Let’s start by talking about what I’m wearing up there. It’s a lot of crap, no? Ripped up, painted tshirt, biking short, GPS armband, watch, water bottle, headband, sunglasses, iPod shuffle, headphones. I look awesome.
Here’s what I usually do on my runs: I start by running laps around my neighborhood. My neighborhood is 0.85 miles around. Then I usually run out onto Hausman, towards the light at University, turn right and head down to the corner of University and Silicon, where Sam’s is. Then sometimes I turn right again and run up Silicon, towards Wal-Mart. One time, I kept going right again onto DeZavala and turned right into the neighborhood where Jarret and Casey live. That’s how I found out that they live 3.2 miles from me. Today, my plan was to do laps around the neighborhood and then run to Jarret and Casey’s house. Let’s see how that went.
0.00 miles Start walking. Aerosmith comes on.
0.10 Lady in pink shirt is mowing her yard.
0.85 Back to my house.
1.04 Thank god it’s cloudy today.
1.57 Passing the same houses. This is getting boring.
1.70 Have to pee. Stopping at my house.
1.99 OK, new plan. Going out of the neighborhood and going the other way on Hausman. I am already behind in my time (my goal was 12 minute miles). But my new goal is to finish 10 miles today, by hook or by crook.
2.16 Hey, good plan! How else would I have known they’re opening a sports supply store here?
2.22 Encounter huge, scary drainage ditch. Filled with tree branches, zombies, drugs, possums, etc. Turn around.
2.48 Back at the neighborhood it is then.
2.50 Missy Elliott, “Get UR Freak On.”
2.56 New plan – run laps around the neighborhood until I hit 7 miles, then run to Sam’s and back.
3.40 That lady is still mowing her lawn! Does it really take this long?
3.85 (shame) The new Miley Cyrus song just came on. I know. Miley Cyrus. Shameful. But it’s a fun song, and I need fun songs to keep me motivated. (/shame)
4.03 Hello, bald man walking tiny Chihuahua. The dog, who can’t weigh more than 5 pounds, is frantically straining at the leash, trying to say hello to me, his teensy claws ineffectively scratching at the asphalt. I laugh. The bald man laughs.
4.76 This is hard. Can I make it even to 5 miles?
4.89 Passing my house again.
5.07 Evidently I can make it to 5 miles. Sudden burst of energy. Have I hit my stride?
5.48 311, “Down.” “Fuck the naysayers” indeed.
5.55 I don’t know if I can really do 10 miles today. It looks like it’s about to seriously pour down rain.
5.70 But it’s not raining yet.
6.15 Chihuahua, we can’t keep meeting like this.
6.20 That burst of energy didn’t last long, did it?
6.25 Stopping at my house for more water. I have already drunk half a liter. It is now noon and I have been running for over an hour.
6.31 Oops, I meant to make one last lap around the neighborhood, but I got distracted by the blue patch of sky peaking from the clouds. I followed it, and it led me to Hausman.
6.69 HOLY SHIT A SNAKE RUN RUN RUN
7.02 OK, I’m pretty sure that snake was dead, but I wasn’t taking any chances there.
7.53 Pass a neighborhood with pink “1” balloons tied to a rail. I deduce that someone’s daughter is having her first birthday party.
7.69 Going up the hill. It’s not a big hill, but it’s enough to make me dread it.
7.72 Passing Espana, the closest restaurant to our house. Unfortunately, it sucks.
7.89 Turning right onto University. Cutting through the parking lot, past The Boiler Room.
7.95 I don’t know what the Boiler Room is. They only have a sign right now. A sign, and a bunch of PVC pipe, piles of metal, scaffolding, and exposed beams.
8.06 Passing the San Antonio FBI.
8.10 I feel like I’m being watched. Probably by the FBI.
8.17 Black truck, why did you slow down and turn around when you saw me? You’re making me paranoid.
8.23 That giant cloud is so dark and close it looks like a UFO.
8.31 That would suck if it was a UFO. I might get abducted.
8.39 But that I wouldn’t have to finish this run, at least.
8.41 But I would have to run from the aliens on that UFO.
8.45 But maybe aliens wouldn’t be so judgmental as humans are. Maybe they wouldn’t judge me for watching “Dance Your Ass Off.”
8.48 But they would probably dissect me.
8.53 Or maybe they would revere me, like a god.
8.60 I can’t really take that chance though.
8.66 It’s settled: I’m glad that’s a cloud and not a UFO.
8.73 The Boiler Room again.
8.85 I stand at the top of the hill and just look down at the rest of my run. Someone honks at me. I hate it when people honk at me. Why do they do that? Is it a compliment? It always freaks the hell out of me.
8.91 I make tiny deals with myself to get through this – run to the end of this street, run to the end of the sidewalk, run to that fire hydrant/crack in the ground/brick wall, and then you can walk. I make another now: run the rest of this mile and you can walk some.
9.00 Walking now. The sun is shining on my back, slowly killing my will to live. I can deal with rain, humidity, no breezes, but I can’t deal with sun. Go away, sun.
9.23 Almost got hit by a car.
9.45 Almost to my neighborhood!
9.55 OK, there’s that snake again. It hasn’t changed position. I’m gonna call it dead now. I hope.
9.64 Sun, PLEASE GO AWAY. Back in my hood now.
9.71 I can run the rest of this block, til the corner.
9.83 No, I can’t.
9.86 OK, maybe I can.
9.88 “Hey Jude” comes one. One of my all-time favorite songs. I WILL RUN UNTIL 10 MILES.
9.90 I’m almost there, I’m almost there, I’m almost there.
9.95 I am going out of my damn mind.
10.00 After two hours and seven seconds, I hit 10 miles. I beat my time last week of two hours and 15 minutes, and I managed to keep to my 12 minute mile goal today. I can now walk the rest of the way.
10.09 The sun comes out right when I round a corner, spy my house, and hear the swell of the “la la la la, LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAA” in “Hey Jude.” So I run some more.
10.15 OK, almost to the corner. Time to resume walking.
10.17 I am home, two hours later.